The Greatest Prank
by Nigelcat1
Summary: AU: Dumbledore want James and Sirius to carry out a prank. Like so many of their pranks, it is cruel but necessary for Dumbledore's master plan to defeat the Dark Lord. However, for once it doesn't work and the Marauders' prank backfires.


THE GREATEST PRANK

J K Rowling owns all the rights to the books and the amazing characters she created. I write only to satisfy my imagination and use my creativity and make no money from my writings.

NOTE: Still have writers block but found another almost completed story which I completed. Besides my Internet device met with an accident.

Chapter 1 – The Best Prank Ever

Some people called it a scandal, some called it sad, or just plain mean while others said "it served her right for looking above her station" and then there were those like Sirius Black who were calling it "the best prank ever" and the friends and admirers of James Potter liked that idea the best. So did Rita Skeeter of the _Daily Prophet_ who reported it as such a month after "the prank" had been committed.

And what was the best prank ever you may ask? Why when that uppity, filthy Mudblood Lily Evans got what she truly deserved when she was stood up and left at the altar on the day of her wedding to James Potter.

It was a beautiful day in March and anybody who was anybody had come to attend "the wedding of the year" of the Pure-blood and only son and heir to the Ancient and Noble House of Potter, James Charlus Potter, to the Muggleborn Lily Lilac Evans.

Granted the Muggleborn was beautiful, talented and magically powerful and had been accepted in a special advanced program as an apprentice to the esteem Filius Flitwick to earn a Masters in Charms as well as to be mentored by Athelstan Elwick, the famed Runes Master. It was said that the young witch had the potential to become an Unspeakable and that was her goal. And it still was as when James Potter had asked her to marry him she would only do so on condition that no matter what he would let her finish her studying to obtain her goal. Yes, she would have children but she also wanted a career.

However, all his life James Potter had said, did and promised many things to many people such as Lily Evans, his parents and most especially for some unexplained reason, Albus Dumbledore, who was the only person to whom James kept his promises.

James Potter was handsome, very talented in Transfiguration, had been accepted into the Auror training program (much to the displeasure of his parents) and had many other talents. He was also popular, had been the Quidditch Captain for the Gryffindor team and was made Head Boy despite never having been a Prefect and having a dreadful detention record.

He had witches young (and old – like nearly 30) chasing him for years not only for his great charm but also because he was the only son and heir to the Ancient and Noble House of Potter. He had EVERYTHING a young wizard could want and always had - except for Lily Evans. For some unexplained reason no matter how many pranks he pulled to get her attention she had always considered him an arrogant toe-rag, a shameless bully and the scum of the earth.

It had always puzzled James why this Mudblood failed to recognize him as the wonderful, awesome wizard he was when everybody else did. He had been asking her out since their third year and she always refused. Even when it had been _arranged to break up her friendship_ with that slimy Slytherin Severus Snape who, James and his friends thought, was the only reason she wouldn't see sense and date James, she still wouldn't go out with him.

That was when poor James Potter knew he had to be in love with Lily Evans because although she snubbed and insulted him (in public no less), he still desperately wanted her. His friend Remus Lupin kept asking him "Do you want her because you really like her or because you can't have her?" His other friend Sirius told him to "forget the bitch" and the third friend Peter said the same. But James convinced himself that he was in love with her and vowed to "get Evans" or else as it had become a matter of principle.

But try as he might he hadn't been successful even after trying everything like "pretending to grow up and change" so that she would see him in a different light. That hadn't worked so Dumbledore had promised to play matchmaker for "his favorite student" and make him Head Boy since Lily had been the best candidate for Head Girl.

"Once you share quarters together and she sees for herself how you 'have changed' she will fall into your arms" Dumbledore had told him. However, it hadn't worked and now James was desperate as he had made bets with several friends (and rivals) that he WOULD GET EVANS and time was running out.

So Dumbledore "helped out his favorite student" by seeing that Lily Evans was dosed with Amortenstia and thus before the Christmas holiday "Lily had finally seen reason and started dating James Potter." By Valentine's Day Lily was madly in love with James Potter and by the spring break James was shagging her and she couldn't get enough of him AND EVERYBODY KNEW IT – especially Severus Snape.

As graduation drew near James realized that although he really liked Lily Evans he didn't want to be tied down to one witch and decided to break up with the girl as soon as they graduated. As he rationalized it, the girl had had the honor and privilege of dating James Potter for over six months which was a record for him.

Of course they would "stay friends" which meant in James-speak that in the future when they would run into each other, he'd take her out for a drink and maybe even a meal, probably shag her again if he didn't have other plans and…well they would just stay friends. Even she would have to admit that she had benefitted greatly by being noticed by James Potter, and witches would envy her because _she had lasted six months_ as James' "girl" so she should be grateful to have been given such a wonderful opportunity.

He had told everyone this and his three best friends agreed with him. However, before he could leave Hogwarts and board the Hogwarts Express for the last time, Dumbledore called him into his office and had a "chat with James" and when James left, he decided that well, maybe he'd hang around with Evans but only until he found someone better, which shouldn't be too long as he and Sirius were leaving on a tour of Europe before beginning their Auror training.

They had a fantastic time touring the Continent but their "tour" consisted mostly of touring the insides of cheap bars, nude beaches and places of ill repute. It was non-stop drinking and shagging of both witches and Muggles and that was probably where they acquired that "nasty problem in the heir-making department" and immediately sought treatment for it as soon as they returned home because "it really, really hurt – bad."

Nobody would have known anything except for the fact that they sought treatment when they reported for Auror training and were given the mandatory physical. Then EVERYBODY found out what a great time they had had because they were nearly kicked out of the program. It was only due to James and Sirius being heirs and Dumbledore's influence that they were still in the Auror Program and could train while they were being cured. To protect the witches of Britain, it was bandied about far and wide exactly what their problem was and that ALL witches should avoid being "friendly" with both wizards.

For the next six months James and Sirius were on more than one type of probation. It was considered a "laughable scandal" that they had been caught and a nasty reporter at the _Daily Prophet_ (not Rita Skeeter for once) wrote a full article on the type of diseases they had caught, how they got it and what could happen had they not been treated as well as, just for good measure, giving an actual date when it would be safe for them to resume their sex life.

Charlus Potter was livid. James and Sirius were in so much trouble that James' mother Dorea had succumbed to the fatal illness she had been suffering from long before she should have. It was said that she "died of a broken heart" and that now that he was a widower, Charlus Potter would be looking for a new young witch to marry and start a new family as he was ready to disinherit James not only for this "last straw" but for all of the "mischief" he had gotten into at Hogwarts.

It was also being said that James was such a staunch supporter of Albus Dumbledore and all of his policies that when Charlus died and James became Lord Potter, James was going to turn the Potter Wizengamot vote over to Dumbledore because James and bragged, "he didn't like all of that politics stuff as it cramped his style and he trusted Dumbledore to do what should be done."

Charlus Potter and Albus Dumbledore had been political rivals for years and had very different views on things. Rumors were rampant as to just how far and how bad these "differences of opinions" went and if Charlus did remarry and produce a new heir, James would be out on his proverbial ear. Therefore at Dumbledore's suggestion James should marry as soon as possible and he had just the girl for him.

Since James was "in trouble" and no "decent" witch would have him while he was being treated, one of his first ideas was to look up Lily Evans as they had not officially broken up he and Sirius had just left the day after school let out on their trip and James had not told her. Ergo, as far as she knew they were still dating and it had been Remus' job to let her know this fact.

Sirius thought it would be a hoot if James had sex with Lily as soon as possible and gave the diseases to her so that it could be said that it had been "that slutty whore of a Mudblood" who had given the diseases to James in the first place. Everyone would believe that and their reputations would be saved. How he would explain how he had gotten the diseases he didn't think about but then no one else in Magical Britain would either and James would get back in the good graces of both his parents if he blamed the Mudblood. Dorea had been furious when she heard he was dating one and for longer than he had dated any other girl.

However, that bright idea was quickly squashed when James decided to look Lily up and take up with her again. He thought Sirius' idea was great or at least did until he went to the office of the Unspeakable who Lily had begun training under. Apparently no one had told James that his own Mother had found out about the girl being given Amortenstia to love her son and had the girl informed. She blasted him fast enough that even Sirius couldn't retaliate and he too was hexed and officially barred from the Unspeakable's office.

Ordinarily, mothers of Pure-blood sons didn't care if their wayward boys dosed a Mudblood with a love potion to have their way with the insignificant little sluts as that was what boys did. It was considered a good joke and once the boy tired of the tramp, they dumped her and went on their merry little way. Sometimes they just had the potions stopped being administered to the hussy but sometimes, to "further the joke," the kept it up so that the bitches would still have an "undying love" and would suffer greatly. Some might even go so far as to kill themselves but that also was considered a good joke in Pure-blood circles.

That was what Dorea was going to do originally as she knew that this particular piece of filth had actually be spurning the attentions of her baby for six years and that was an insult not to be borne and thus the disgusting creature DESERVED to be punished in any way James wanted.

However, Charlus had come home about a week after James and Sirius had left extremely angry. Charlus had heard that his son was being molded, slowly but surely, into one of Dumbledore's lackeys. Word had reached him that James was even going to join Dumbledore's damned Order of the Phoenix as well as turning over the Potter vote when James inherited the Lordship.

As Charlus was in very good health and likely to live a long time, he ignored it until one of his oldest and dearest friends called his attention to the fact that "There is a war going on after all so you might _meet with an accident_. I know I have been warned that I might meet with an accident and that my son might inherit sooner than expected so…a word to the wise."

So once James and Sirius had scampered off to sow a few ( _but definitely not all_ ) of their wild oats, Charlus had invited both Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew for lunch at a posh restaurant using the excuse of seeing to their future and getting them jobs.

Charlus knew Remus was a Werewolf and had placed him under the protection of House Potter. He had even arranged for Remus to acquire some further education before seeing him off to a job in France as careers for Werewolves were practically non-existent in Magical Britain. He also knew that Dumbledore had made promises to the boy but that Dumbledore promised many things to lure people into becoming a follower but rarely delivered. He had only just recently heard that somehow the news of Remus' condition had been leaked so now even with Charlus' help Remus would have to leave Britain if he wanted to work or even survive.

He did not like Peter Pettigrew as the boy was too…sneaky, opportunistic and…well there was just something about him that worried Charlus. Fortunately he knew that after school James probably would dump the boy from "best friend status" to worshiping vassal looking for a handout. So far James had as he had not asked his father to help Peter find a job. Although Peter was a Pure-blood, he was from a poor family with limited contacts and at the moment the best he could hope for was an entry level job at the Ministry, which an uncle was already providing.

They had lunch in a private room and Charlus asked about Peter's job and then had the unfortunate duty of telling Remus that although he would help him he would probably have to leave Britain. However, Remus said that Dumbledore had already promised him a job working for the Order of the Phoenix and he had already sworn the Order's oath of allegiance to Dumbledore.

As much as he appreciated and would have liked to have taken Lord Potter up on his assistance, he had been told by Dumbledore himself that Lord Potter had personally told him he could not help Remus in any way and that Dumbledore should find the boy a job.

There was an awkward silence in the room until Charlus Potter, noticeably trying to control his temper, said through gritted teeth, "I assure you I never had such a conversation with Albus Dumbledore as…well I don't talk with that…wizard…unless I absolutely have to. I have mentioned to you on more than one occasion that I would assist you in your career and if for some unforeseeable reason I could not, I would have told you in person and then at least given you a letters of recommendation and money to leave the country."

Both young wizards looked very uncomfortable and shocked and that was when Charlus asked, "Peter have you also given your oath to join Dumbledore's private army?"

Peter nodded yes.

"Would you boys please tell me if my idiot of a son and nephew by marriage have also done so?"

Neither boy spoke so Charlus did something he usually wouldn't do. However, since he was Charlus Lord Potter and a wizard of high standing, great wealth, prestige and commanded lots and lots of power, well given the circumstances, he was going to use that power at the moment.

He stunned both young wizards then made an emergency floo call to his good friend and former school fellow Lionel Wallingham. After a few minutes Lionel came through the floo and joined Charlus in the private room. Lionel was the current Head of the DMLE and was authorized to administer Veritaserum. Since Charlus was a Lord and his only son and heir was apparently at risk, he needed information and needed it now.

The room shook several times due to Charlus' magic reacting to the answers to some of the questions he asked. After having everything documented and done perfectly legal, Remus and Peter were allowed to leave and _advised not to say anything about any of what was discussed or revealed at this meeting_ especially to Dumbledore, James and Sirius.

Charlus then went to the Ministry with Lionel, pensive memories were given, copies of that were made in triplicate and safely hidden in very secure places one of them being in the main Potter vault. Charlus had just enough time to go to his family solicitors to make a few more adjustments on the new Will he was making before heading home for dinner.

He then told his wife, who due to her advanced illness was not having one of her "better days" _some of what he had learned_ that day but not from whom it was learned. He only mentioned he had talked with Lionel. He told her about James and the real information on his "romance" with the Muggleborn Evans girl such as the Amortenstia being administered to her "without James' knowledge" so that he could win a bet that he would "get Evans" before he graduated.

He could even swear on his magic that "he didn't know someone had dosed Evans with Amortenstia" because he really didn't know who had done it nor had he personally asked someone to do it. However, he had been giving not so subtle hints during his sixth year about how he "wished Evans would come to her senses and shag…ah date him so he could win that bet." He knew full well by saying it out loud to the other Marauders that one of them would be picked by the other two to arrange for help.

Remus had refused to do any such thing so Sirius, who couldn't "do it either" because he was too close to James had ordered Peter to "say something to the right person" and that was how Dumbledore finally reeled James into becoming an Order member quickly followed by Sirius.

Peter confessed that Dumbledore had "mentioned out loud to McGonagall how good it would be if Lily Evans was made to see reason by seventh year" and had "innocently" pushed a vial of Amortenstia over to her. Thus it was understood that if having to share a room as Head Boy and Girl did not _solve the problem in a reasonable time_ , then stronger measures would have to be taken for "young love to be realized."

Once James had officially "gotten Evans" by shagging her and bragging about it to everybody (especially Severus Snape) Dumbledore called him and Sirius into his office for "a chat" and that had been that. As expected James was going to publically dump Evans before graduation, have a good laugh about it but he had then been called into Dumbledore's office alone for "another chat" and had come back saying he wasn't going to publically end it, at least not yet.

Instead he and Sirius would just sneak off on their trip without telling Evans they were going and Remus was to tell Evans that James didn't want to hurt her feelings but he had promised Sirius they would go and not to worry they were still dating and she was to wait for him to return. Naturally she would stay faithful but then who wouldn't stay faithful if James "Mr. Awesome" Potter was nice enough to be shagging a girl.

Remus told Charlus that he only went along with things because Dumbledore had told him he was playing matchmaker and soon James and Lily Evans would be getting married thanks to Dumbledore.

That was when Dorea hit the proverbial roof and made her demands. The next day a shocked and confused Lily Evans was dragged out of the lessons she was having with Filius Flitwick (who at least demanded to come along to see why his best and brightest pupil was being dragged away by Aurors), and the two of them were roughly taken to Potter Manor and brought before Dorea Potter – oh and Charlus Potter.

One of the Aurors was a Pure-blood fanatic (which was why Dorea had requested him) and he actually pushed down the "filthy Mudblood bitch" onto the floor in front of Dorea Black Potter so that "IT" would know its place – in the dirt at the feet of "ITS" bettors. Mercifully (and because a very angry many times dueling champion was about to explode and do some serious damage to that Auror) Charlus intervened, he personally picked Lily off the floor, glared at the Auror and then left Dorea to her rant.

First of all, despite what Charlus had told his wife, Dorea announced that she KNEW that (fill in the obscenities and foul language of your choice, kiddies) Evans (spit, spit) had purposely taken Amortenstia so it could be said that James had done it to her, then "when you found out you were outraged and were going to sue James for doing such.…"

"DOREA STOP IT," her husband had screamed. His wife always took James' side even if she had to lie and falsely accuse an innocent like the Evans girl to "save her baby" and he was not having any of it. He told Lily and Flitwick the truth about the Amortenstia and that he would be paying for all of the medical costs for Lily to have it flushed out of her system.

"I will also be making sure," he said forcefully turning to look at his wife, "THAT NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE will accuse you of doing anything illegal or unethical. I will personally see to it that any damage to your reputation WILL NOT BE ALLOWED and I give you my solemn promise as Lord Potter that this time for this thing BOTH JAMES AND SIRIUS WILL BE PUNISHED."

Dorea was furious but since she knew Charlus meant business she kept quiet. Even though James and Sirius once again screwed up BIG TIME, she couldn't bear for them to be made to suffer for another "innocent prank" which so amused James and Sirius. No, neither of them would suffer for this, however, she was bound and determined to totally destroy this piece of filth's reputation if it was the last thing she did if only to protect her boys.

Sadly for her, it was, as James and Sirius came home from their trip in the situation and condition they were in and Charlus was the one who had it broadcast about, placed in the _Daily Prophet_ , and to the best of his ability, the truth was made known to one and all. She still tried to destroy the Mudblood but too many people knew the truth about it especially when Charlus had to use his influence to keep James and Sirius in the Auror Program.

But she did spread her poison about and since all of her Black relatives were more than happy to help, Lily's reputation did suffer. She remained in her training as Flitwick and the Unspeakable knew Lily's worth and recognized talent when they saw it.

Her "real friends" stood by her and after James calmed down a bit after she publically rejected him (mostly due to his Father laying down the law) things settled down and life went on.

At least until Dumbledore got involved. You see Dumbledore had plans and NOBODY, not even the likes of Charlus Potter would disrupt the plans and schemes of Albus Dumbledore. It just wasn't done.

So Albus just waited a bit, revised his original plans and then put them into operation. James Potter and Lily Evans would get married and pop out an heir even if nobody was happy except for Albus Dumbledore.

Dorea Potter died just before the Christmas holidays. Well actually just before the Yule holidays as most people – other than Dumbledore supporters and Muggleborns – called them. An article in the Society Page of the _Daily Prophet_ opined she had died of a broken heart due to the bad experience her only son, her beloved baby boy, had to unfairly endure and since he had almost lost his good name and seen his reputation destroyed by… _a certain creature_.

 _"That filthy, worthless, piece of flobberworm dung had actually managed to fool Charlus Potter himself," an anonymous friend of Dorea Potter told this reporter"_ as it was said in the article. Rita Skeeter wrote this story at the request of that pillar of society, Narcissa Black Malfoy.

Although Narcissa had never liked her cousin Sirius, the only blood-traitor in the House of Black (except for a few others that Narcissa could not be bothered remembering) and she loathed James Potter, they were still Pure-bloods and Evans was a Mudblood and thus it was always open seasoned on Mudbloods in any decent Pure-blood household.

Besides, Lily Evans had broken the heart of their good friend Severus Snape. It was an open scandal in Slytherin that Severus had been "friends" and grew up with the girl and they were as thick as thieves. Nothing could separate them once they came to Hogwarts and despite associating with a Gryffindor and a Mudblood one at that, Severus had remained a true and good friend with Evans at least until their fifth year.

That was the year that the entire school knew – _because it had been almost announced in the Great Hall_ – that this year the Marauders would get Evans away from Snivellus Snape and then she'd "come to her senses" and date James, he would shag the hell out of her and then dump her.

At the end of the year Evans and Snape had broken off their friendship because after being totally and publically humiliated by the Marauders Evans had tried to defend her friend and…well Snape had been so upset that he called her a Mudblood and she would not speak to him again – ever.

It wasn't like no one else had ever called her that name as Potter and Black used that slur on lots of people and they had even used it on her during the first few years of school. However, for some reasons she would not forgive Severus for saying it and refused to talk to him. She was constantly in the company of her girlfriends who would not let Snape near her when sixth year started and the gloating Marauders had gone out of their way to really torture and humiliate Snape.

There had been rumors in the school…very disturbing rumors…that something really bad had happened or almost happened to Snape due to the Marauders but everything had been covered up and Dumbledore had personally threatened Snape with all sorts of dire consequences from expulsion to a room in Azkaban if he spoke of it to anyone. The Marauders had been even more insufferable than usual because they had gotten away with something almost fatal.

Narcissa didn't know what it was as she and Lucius had graduated, gotten married and were trying to start a family. All that Lucius would tell her was that if this "incident" didn't bring Severus into the Dark Lord's service then nothing would.

Then Potter apparently finally "got Evans" in their seventh year and had done everything he had bragged that he would do. It was rumored, as such things are, that Evans had been potioned but no one checked as "her friends" all wanted her to be with Potter if only to shut him up as did the rest of the school. The Slytherins and Snape's real friends were all just glad that the Mudblood was finally ruined, or at least in Snape's eyes.

Narcissa felt sorry for their friend as what passed for his heart did break but it was hoped that he would get over it, realize that he had been played for a fool and move on. The Dark Lord was eager to have him especially when Snape was accepted into an accelerated program to get a Potions Mastery. Without the Mudblood he now had a chance of making something of himself since his Mother had basically ruined her son's life by marrying his Muggle Father.

The only strange thing in all of this was the Dark Lord. For some reason he was interested in the Mudblood Evans. Narcissa had to admit that the girl was magically very talented and powerful especially for a Mudblood. When a Muggleborn showed that much potential it usually meant that they were probably descended from a line of Squibs.

However, the only way to find out if this was true was to take a special, in depth heritage test which could only be given by the Goblins and with the Ministry's permission. The test traced heritage back centuries therefore it was very expensive. Many Pure-blood families inherited money, votes and status from relatives who had produced Squib children and it profited them to see that no descendent of a Squib could come back into the Magical World as then they would be able to make a claim to regain what an ancestor had lost.

Usually the Dark Lord was not interested in Mudbloods even if they might be descended from a good Pure-blood family. However, Severus, and even a few others, had mentioned how talented Evans was and after seeing a photograph of the girl his interest was piqued. He went so far as to order her to be left alone and thus protected from attack until more could be found out about her.

After Potter and Black got themselves into trouble that even Dumbledore couldn't get them out of and before that it had been revealed that yes, Amortenstia had been the cause of the girl's infatuation everyone had a good laugh especially after they heard just how badly the girl had cursed James Potter when he came strolling back to her expecting things to remain the same.

But now Dorea Potter had died and, it was being whispered, the courtship negotiations which Dorea had arranged for her son were now being taken up by the merry widower, Charlus. Rumors had been circulating that once his wife died he would remarry so fast people's heads would spin. He was now thoroughly disgusted with his son and heir not due to the latest scandals he had been in the middle of but because he had publically supported Dumbledore and had joined the Order of the Phoenix.

True enough, poor Dorea hadn't been in her grave a week before Charlus was seen in public opening negotiations and they were not for James. For some reason James and Sirius were obvious to all of this, whether because no one told them or James was stupid enough to believe that his Father would never remarry or consider producing another heir since he was the proud Father of the totally awesome, wonderful James Charlus Potter. Either way he was seen going through Auror training and still chatting up witches for the time when he and Sirius were "cleared for action" and then look out any witch stupid (or desperate) enough to "trap" an heir of a powerful and rich House.

However, the next thing anyone knew James Potter and Lily Evans were "together again" and they were actually engaged to be married on the Ides of March. And no one knew the how and whys, only that they were and Charlus was allowing it to happen.

Speculations were rife and try as they might no one other than Charlus and Dumbledore knew the real reasons and they were not talking.

With remarkable haste the wedding was planned, invitations had been sent out and soon the day arrived.

Lily Evans arrived at the church accompanied by her bridesmaids. The guests were all seated and waiting for the ceremony to begin. A smiling, smug-looking Albus Dumbledore was seated in a place of honor accompanied by Minerva McGonagall and most of the teachers from Hogwarts. The mother of the bride was seated in her place of honor and last, but not least, Charlus Potter and a witch known by many were sitting on the groom's side. All that was necessary for the ceremony to start was the arrival of the groom and best man.

However, James was notorious for always being late for most things and now he was very late. In fact, there was no sign of him or Sirius. Time passed and people started getting antsy. Many people were very uncomfortable such as Mrs. Evans, the bride's mother, although the bride's sister and her new husband were looking quite amused.

Whispers started circulating and after a half hour had passed, Dumbledore started getting angry. He was just about to "do something" when a very nervous Remus Lupin walked into the church and walked over to Charlus Potter and whispered into the man's ear. It was nothing that Charlus didn't suspect but at least he had had the decency to look surprised.

Dumbledore was about to get up and see what was going on. If something had happened, Remus should have told Dumbledore first and not Charlus Potter (or at least that was Dumbledore's opinion). However, Charlus rose from his seat and with a look of sadness on his handsome face, walked over to Mrs. Evans and whispered in that lady's ear.

"WHAT? HE DID WHAT? THAT MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT DID WHAT?" shouted the normally dignified woman. The bride's sister, who had been close enough to hear what the groom's father had whispered, immediately started laughing and didn't seem to want to stop except when her Mother had quickly gotten out of her seat and began walking down the church aisle followed by Charlus Potter. Only then did she very loudly (and perhaps joyfully) answer her husband's question by shouting "The prick jilted her. He's left her at the altar. He isn't going to marry her."

Several things happened then. At first everyone was shocked as who wouldn't be hearing what was just said. Some peopled joined the bride's sister Peony, Pansy or Petunia – some kind of flower name – and her husband in laughing. A few people like Lily's girlfriends and Minerva McGonagall started crying, a few people expressed anger and a few people like Filius Flitwick were heard to mumble "Thank Merlin" among other things.

A now completely furious Albus Dumbledore made his way over to a very scared Remus Lupin and demanded answers and explanations. All Remus was able to stutter out was that he and Peter went to help James get ready and then make sure he made it to the church on time only to find a crying house elf banging its head on the floor when the two wizards came to pick up their friend.

"The elf – I don't know its name and forgot to ask – was crying saying that his 'Master James be very drunk with Master Sirius and both be saying very bad language and refusing to marry….' – the elf wouldn't finish and just started wringing its ears until I finally stunned it. We gave it a minute to calm down before I unstunned him and then he said that James and Sirius just left. James wasn't going to marry Lily (Remus left out the nasty things Sirius had called her) and they – James and Sirius – were still taking the two weeks off and going on the honeymoon which James had already paid for. That's all I could get out of the elf."

Dumbledore actually needed a moment to control himself as James Potter had disobeyed him – ALBUS DUMBLEDORE – and unless he did some quick damage control, his plans were ruined.

However, before he could do anything else, voices were raised as people turned to look down the aisle as it was noted that a very, very livid Lily Lilac Evans was at the back of the church aisle, with her parents and Charlus Potter standing behind her. Charlus looked like the cat that had eaten the canary, as he would later be described at the gossip tables, thus whatever happened next should be very…interesting.

Lily stood proudly, looking incredibly beautiful in her designer wedding dress (which had been paid for by Charlus who was paying for all of the wedding). However, her beauty was enhanced by the expression of righteous fury on her face and there was a stirring in the air as her formidable magic swirled around her.

She held up her wand and in a voice loud and crystal clear said, "I Lily Lilac Evans, hereby swear on my life and magic that I will never, ever willing have anything to do with James Potter or Sirius Black ever again, that I definitely will not marry either of them and probably will kill if not severely harm either or both without a second thought if either or both of them attempt to shag, rape or have sex with me or force me to do the same with someone else of their or DUMBLEDORE'S CHOOSING so mote it be."

With that said a flash came out from her wand as she sent a spell of some sort (and not a nice one) directly at Albus Dumbledore who was coming towards her in an attempt to stop her from making that oath. He had been too late to stop the oath but quick enough to bring up a shield to stop the curse from hitting him.

After Lily had said her oath, she gathered up the wedding dress and with as much dignity as possible, quickly walked out of the church followed by her parents and Charlus Potter, who shut the door behind him. That was when all hell broke loose and a now almost orgasmistic Rita Skeeter began to write the story of her career.

It took two days before people found out the real dirt and it was so _**incredible**_ that it sounded like something Rita Skeeter would create.

What the public would find out was that the night before the wedding after James and Sirius had finally managed to find their way home after enjoying the bachelor party to end all bachelor parties (with the bill for breakage being sent to Charlus Potter the next day) although it was late (or early) being 5:37 a.m., Charlus Potter was happily reading a good book while waiting up for his son.

James took one look at his Father and sighed with disgust. The last thing he wanted at the moment was to be chewed out by his Father but it was probably going to be happening. He had the hell of all hangovers starting and all he wanted to do was take a hangover potion (or two or three) and flop in bed. It was bad enough he was getting married the next day but at least the wedding wouldn't be starting until noon so he could get some sleep, have a breakfast (consisting of more hangover potions) shower, dress and get to the church on time.

However, Charlus Potter was not waiting to chew James out or even Sirius. Instead he just was waiting for them both to come home because he wanted to give James his wedding present as well as telling him some good news – and perhaps some bad news.

The good news was that Charlus had settled on his son an annuity of G25,000 a year for the rest of James' natural life or until he did something so stupid or outrageous that it would see him killed or sent to Azkaban.

"You mean until you die old man," James slurred nastily as his head was really starting to hurt and he needed those potions, "and I inherit the Lordship (hic) and ALL OF THE MONEY."

Charlus merely smiled and quicker than one would expect, he summoned both James' and Sirius' wands and did a partial stun on them. They were frozen in place but would not fall down, were conscious and could still talk and most importantly listen to what Charlus had to say.

"No James, you only get the G25,000 a year because I have disinherited you. Good news for me – last week when I went to Lionel Wallingham's party on the Isle of Wight, well the party was in my honor as it celebrated my wedding to his niece Jocelyn. You know her as the widow of Marcus Plower who died six years ago in a riding accident. They had one daughter and a son who Marcus was holding while riding his horse and the horse tripped in a vole hole, fell over killing both Marcus and the boy."

The look of shock on both James' and Sirius' faces was priceless and apparently had shocked them speechless so Charlus happily continued saying, "Jocelyn is 30 years old and I have been seeing her since the beginning of the year. I decided to marry her as soon as possible since she is currently carrying my _certifiable child_ and that child will be my new heir replacing my former and very disappointing heir – you Jamie boy." Then a smiling Charlus unsilenced the two wizards and the shouting began

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME. I AM YOUR HEIR – YOUR ONLY HEIR. THE ONLY HEIR YOU WILL EVER HAVE SO DON'T.…"

"No you are not. As I said the child is my _certifiable heir_. Jocelyn is in excellent health and young enough to give me more heirs. And just so you know - just in case you get certain nasty ideas, after tomorrow - we are going into seclusion so that Jocelyn can have a peaceful, healthy pregnancy and so that NOTHING UNFORTUNATE WILL HAPPEN TO ANY OF US."

The next thing Charlus said was not made available to the general public but "people in the know" would find out like they always do.

"Just so you know Jamie, I know why you are marrying that poor, unfortunate Evans girl. It took me a while to find out all of the gory details but I did and if I was ashamed to have you as a son before…well let's just say consider yourself fortunate that I settled that annuity on you instead of seeing you – and Sirius – carted off to Azkaban. I am a Lord of an Ancient and Noble House and I can do things like that even to a relative, or an heir."

Once again the expressions of James' and Sirius' faces were priceless as Charlus told them what he knew – but not how he found out.

For some reason Albus Dumbledore had decided that Lily Evans would marry James Potter for the mysterious and never explained "Greater Good." Not only would they marry but they would make an heir, preferably a boy, as soon as possible. He did not tell James why this had to be done only that James would do it. If for some reason James was unable to "do his duty" for one reason or another such as sterility or death, then Sirius would step in and complete the plan.

Naturally James didn't want to do this because (1) he didn't want to get marry at this time (if ever); (2) when he did have to get married to provide an heir it wouldn't be to a Mudblood no matter how enticing she was; (3) Charlus probably wouldn't approve and James knew he was trying to betroth him to a respectable Pure-blood girl; and (4) for some reason Lily truly hated him and wouldn't even look at him and had managed to acquire Charlus' protection and support of this decision.

James had been told by Dumbledore not to worry that Charlus would be made to see reason as would Lily. SHE WOULD MARRY JAMES POTTER AND GIVE HIM AN HEIR whether she wanted to or not. She would be receiving the "happy news" from Dumbledore himself and the wedding would take place as soon as possible, hopefully before the spring holidays.

"The only way she would even look at me now was if she was potioned and that can't be done due to what happened when she found out about it especially since my Father is on her side. She would be checked for potions and curses and whatever so fast and then Father would…well I don't know exactly what he'd do but I wouldn't like it. Can't you make her marry Sirius instead of me?"

"Do not worry about Lily Evans. She will not be potioned, spelled, hexed or whatever. Your Father can have any test done on her that he wants and find nothing. She will willingly marry you and NO Sirius can't marry her – unless you are dead."

James HAD TO OBEY THESE ORDERS as he had become a member of the Order of the Phoenix and part of the oath forced him to obey Dumbledore without question. Personally James thought that he was safe because Evans was too mad to even look at him again let alone have him knock her up with a spawn so he didn't think anything about it except to tell Sirius so they could have a good laugh.

However, they were not laughing for long as two weeks later an article appeared in the Society Page of the _Daily Prophet_ announcing the surprising nuptials of James Charlus Potter and Lily _Petunia_ Evans (they didn't even get her name right) to take place on 15 March 1979.

What was really scary was the fact that Charlus had said nothing concerning the announcement other than to send James a note informing him that he would be paying for the wedding since the Evans were Muggles and not well off. He didn't see him or communicate with him after the note was sent, which suited James just fine.

James didn't know how Dumbledore had done it (and he didn't care either) and although he really didn't want to marry Lily anymore, he'd do it because (1) he had to because Dumbledore was making him; (2) Charlus was not only allowing it but paying for it so James was safe from other marital alliances; (3) since Evans was a Mudblood she would become his chattel with no rights whatsoever and once she popped out the kid as per Dumbledore's plan, James could divorce the hell out of her and get on with his life; and (4) it would hurt Snivellus soooo very much and that was always a good thing.

It seemed that Dumbledore had arranged for everything and the only thing left for James to do besides showing up for the wedding was to invent a really fantastic story about how he'd once again "gotten Evans" and other things that a %#*#^*^&^ like James Potter says about females.

The only unpleasantness was when James had to meet with Lily so that the official photographs of the happy couple could be taken. A smiling, smirking James had taken full advantage of the situation as of course he had to make appropriate comments to the reporter when asked "how it all came about" and naturally James was at his best or rather worse. He knew that Lily was furious and wanted nothing more than to severely hurt him but in public there was not a thing she could do about it.

James was in his glory but as soon as the reporter and the photographer left without warning Lily swiftly turned on James and kicked him as hard as she could right in the old heir maker. As he laid on the floor suffering from the worst pain he had ever had in his entire life, he was informed why Lily was marrying him.

Apparently Dumbledore had arranged for certain "friends of his" or rather lackeys, to pay a visit to Lily who was still living at home with her parents. Her sister Petunia had just married her new husband in early December in a very quiet wedding because…well she had had a pregnancy scare and Vernon did the "right thing" and then Petunia had a miscarriage. At least she had gotten her wish and was married before Lily so she was happy…for the moment.

Long story short, "Dumbledore's friends" (who were masked and had their voices disguised) told Lily Evans that she would be marrying James Potter as soon as possible and if she didn't, her parents, her sister and new (horrible) brother-in-law would be meeting their maker very, very soon. No doubt "Death Eaters" would be doing it, or at least blamed for doing it, and the deaths would be very, very…unpleasant.

If the deaths of her family wouldn't serve to convince her, then it would be Lily's turn and once again the Death Eaters would be blamed, starting with Severus Snape who would be the only Death Eater to be caught and get the ignominious end which he so richly deserved.

So not only to save lives but _to make Dumbledore happy_ , Lily would be marrying James and it was going to be announced in the next day's edition of _Prophet_. You could not tell anyone about it because who would believe it anyway. James would know and he would be the one to determine how good an actress Lily was because if she didn't play the loving fiancée to convince the world that she was marrying James "out of passionate, true love" well then one of her parents or her sister would be having a meeting with a Death Eater.

James tried to act surprised and to swear that he knew nothing at all about such an outrageous thing, until Lily said, "Liar! You know and a 'reliable source' even confirmed it saying that you were bragging that I would be marrying you…"

"Who? I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO TOLD…"

"So you admit it. Well you %#&#^^ I won't tell you since you just admitted it was true. Also, despite the charmed voices, it was easy to recognize who the "friends of Dumbledore" were as the body language of Sirius, Remus, Peter and Marcus McKinnon are unmistakable as is the noxious fumes from the aftershave which the Prewett Twins wear. They also cleaned out my Dad's liquor cabinet so that was another way to identify them."

An argument broke out until James (whose wand had been accioed by Lily after she kicked him) yelled, "Well we're getting married – NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO MARRY A %#*&#*& PIECE OF FILTH LIKE YOU – but because Dumbledore wants it done for a reason so therefore it will be done."

Lily had stormed out and later that night, she heard "via the grapevine" that Petunia's husband had been in a serious auto accident but had survived it due to it happening in front of a hospital. He was bruised, shaken and swore he didn't know how the accident that had totaled his car had happened especially since he was driving during the rush hour and the traffic was only moving about10-15 m.p.h.

She had received her first warning (no doubt because she attacked James) and there had been two other minor accidents before the wedding to make sure she "behaved herself" and played her part well and then married James.

When Charlus followed Lily and her parents out of the church, he quickly explained EVERYTHING and apologized profusely for all of the inconvenience and fear they had been put through. Charlus was having some of his house elves taking the Evans and the Dursleys to a place of safety until he could guarantee their safety. He also suggested that Lily should make the very public vow so that Dumbledore wouldn't be tempted try again. "And he won't because I just disinherited James" which really gladden Lily's heart to hear. "I will also be giving an exclusive interview to the _Prophet_ using this latest 'prank' as the last straw."

And he had. Then he also left and took his new pregnant wife and her daughter to a very safe, totally protected, place for the remainder of her pregnancy and to have a safe birth. It was not only Death Eater and Dumbledore-proof, no one could reach them at all except for the Goblins and the Potter solicitors and then get passed the Fidelius which had been performed with the new Lady Potter as the secret keeper.

But he still needed Lily Evans to get pregnant and have that son. And just because he liked and trusted James and Sirius so very much, he was going to kill two birds with one stone: get the boy he needed conceived and for James and Sirius to get revenge on Lily Evans.

As he pointed out to them both one Saturday night when he had invited them over for a superb dinner at Hogwarts in his private dining room, complete with wines, fire whiskey and good brandy, "It is all Lily Evans' fault for the disasters which have befallen poor James and basically ruined his life." Because the boys were so egotistic, spoiled and very drunk they agreed with him. Someone had to pay for the loss of James' inheritance and position and it was definitely that ungrateful, traitorous filthy Mudblood whore who had probably hatched the plan with Snivellus.

Therefore, both "boys" were ready, willing and very eager to help Dumbledore teach that bitch a well-deserved lesson.

It was a very simple lesson. James was going to get Lily Evans pregnant. "But she swore on her life and magic not to have anything to do with me or even Sirius ever again," James had pointed out.

"Actually," Dumbledore said, "she said that – and I quote – ' _ **I will never, ever**_ _ **willing**_ have anything to do with James Potter or Sirius Black ever again, that I definitely will not marry either of them and probably will kill if not severely harm either or both without a second thought if either or both of them attempt to shag, rape or have sex with me or force me to do the same' and although she swore that _**she wouldn't**_ doesn't mean that you did or can't."

"Wha…wha…what do you mean?" asked a confused, drunken James.

Dumbledore smiled and replied, "She can't because she swore on her magic that she wouldn't ever _**WILLINGLY**_. Charlus probably demanded she say it publically because she was potioned the first time to fall in love and have sex with you, and then, forced to marry you or else. However, since you didn't swear to any such thing, wouldn't it be the GREATEST PRANK if you impregnated her anyway without her knowledge?"

"But how would he do that?" asked Sirius.

 _'Damn dumb Pure-bloods,'_ Dumbledore thought before he smilingly said, "All we need is a specimen – a sample of your sperm – which can then be magically injected into her womb at the proper time of the month when conception is most likely. Thus she conceives and never knows how it happens."

"And," added a now gleeful James, "People just think she was doing her usual whoring around and got careless."

"And then we tell everybody," Sirius started to add but Dumbledore interrupted by saying "No, not at first as Charlus might take offense and…well who knows what he will do. However, once the child is born and will no doubt be the very image of you James, well then people can form their own opinions."

"Then even better, since someone will bring up her oath to use as it not being your child, a simple paternity test will be demanded after the boy is born and then it can be said that she, found a way to get around swearing a magical oath, and not only will her reputation be ruined, she can be sent to Azkaban for creating and/or using such an obvious dark spell," Dumbledore finished smiling brightly.

"Or maybe even better, she'd get the Kiss or thrown through the Veil or…" Sirius started suggesting enthusiastically as he hated Lily Evans so very much.

Dumbledore said they shouldn't get ahead of themselves until the deed was done, the prank was played and the bastard was born and authenticated.

So the arrangements were made. James gave the "specimen" and, as a matter of course, it was checked over by a healer to make sure it "would take" and that James' "unfortunate health problem" of last year hadn't done any lasting damage. And it hadn't, but something else had been found even more disturbing than if James still had traces of the diseases in his system.

The healer wouldn't tell Dumbledore why, until he was absolutely positive, but he asked for James to provide another sample after he abstained from sex for a week, or better yet two. So James begrudgingly did and gave a new sample. Then another one the next day.

The healer made several tests before telling Dumbledore that "James Potter was born sterile. Even if some extreme rituals were done on him, it would not make any difference whatsoever. Just so you know, things like this happen in many old Pure-blood families who only marry other Pure-bloods but only marry other British Pure-bloods. If they married Pure-bloods from other countries they wouldn't have this problem, but they don't so they do."

Dumbledore needed Lily Evans pregnant so he broke the news to James who simply refused to believe it. He was shown the proof. His pride was hurt more than the fact that he could never sire a child.

Then it was Sirius' turn as because he was James' "brother" and fellow Marauder, he would step in to see the "prank" carried out. After another two weeks of abstinence and tests, if was discovered that Sirius also had the same problem. He too couldn't believe it but tried to blame it on the nasty Muggle diseases that "Evans had given them" but the healer had heard rumors and did some private investigations.

Both Dorea and Sirius' Mother Walburga had difficulty conceiving. Dorea was almost at the end of the time where she could conceive and she had heard rumors that Charlus was considering divorcing her so he could get an heir. She had potioned him a bit over the years to remain faithful to the wife he really did love, but after a physical, her ruses had been discovered. As the last of the Potters Charlus was going to get himself an heir.

Walburga had been married to her husband and the heir of Lord Black, for several years and had never conceived. The couple really didn't like each other and Orion's Father, Lord Arcturus had always disapproved of the marriage his Father had arranged for his only son while Arcturus had been out of the country on business.

Like her Aunt Dorea both witches were in very real danger of being divorced, cast aside and forever disgraced unless they conceived. Then Walburga had found out about a special ritual which a Chinese witch was offering. It was extremely expensive but guaranteed results. It worked for Walburga and then for her Aunt Dorea.

However, Walburga, being the nasty, haughty and condescending witch (or rather bitch) that she was, insulted the Chinese witch several times and the witch neglected to tell Walburga a very important thing about the rituals and spells necessary to accomplish it. Long story short, they would have a son, a magical healthy son but for that son to be fertile the Mother would have to die. Both Mothers lived and did get what they wanted, but not all that they really wanted. They would never, ever be grandmothers and their line would die out.

The healer suspected that it was the same with Regulus Black but that wasn't his problem.

Finding out about their sterility only served to intensify James' and Sirius' desire to hurt Lily Evans because if nothing else, they would never had known that it was their fault if she hadn't…well if she hadn't done something! They didn't know or care, they just blamed her and wanted revenge. Just because.

Dumbledore was going crazy. Lily Evans had to get pregnant somehow, by somebody even if he had to do it himself! Well actually he wouldn't because he couldn't even if he wanted to because not only was he too old to give a decent specimen but some of the rituals and less than ethical magic he had done over the years had rendered him unable to produce the goods needed.

Despite all of these setbacks, _Dumbledore always got his way_ and this would be no exception. He would find someone to impregnate Lily Evans for the _Greater Good_ and no one would stop him!

After the ONE ARTICLE by Charlus Potter was printed and after he was safely away and basically unreachable, the _Prophet_ , at the urging of several prominent people, started the merciless slander and smear campaign against the socially and politically helpless Lily Evans. Members of Dorea Black Potter's family and many other powerful Pure-blood families had sworn to see to the destruction of the filthy Mudblood whore who had cost them so much.

And just what had it "cost them" you might ask. Much! About 95% of James Potter's "charm" had been based on the fact that he was the only and last heir of an Ancient and Noble House and that House was not only Ancient, Noble and extremely politically powerful but disgustingly rich. He was a PRIZE and thus the rightful property of some Pure-blood girl who needed and deserved to marry him.

But now Dorea was dead, Charlus had hastily remarried and was going to have a new heir (and possibly more) and had disinherited James. James still had an inheritance of sort as G25,000 was a very, very good income especially when he would be earning an Auror salary (which during this time of war was doubled due to combat/hazard pay) and he was young, handsome and quite suitable for a Pure-blood girl from a poor family who would be happy to marry G25,000 er…a Pure-blood husband.

However, it was soon learned that Albus Dumbledore had talked James out of this year's inheritance (which had been paid in advance instead of quarterly which it would be in the future) so now all James had was his Auror salary (which since he was a trainee was a mere pittance until he was fully qualified in three years) and "his personal charm" to attract young witches.

James was handsome (although he really needed a good haircut and talked into using the hair taming charm which he wouldn't because he thought his "bed head" was sexy), he did have some talents – other than pranking - which he hadn't developed as fully as he should have done because with his heritage and money it wasn't necessary. He could be very personable when he had a mind to as well as kind, however, he could also be a right bastard and downright cruel if some of the "pranks" he had played during school were any indication.

The only things he truly cared about and had had every intention of continuing and making his "real career" was pranking and witch hunting/seducing. When his father died he was going to turn over his Wizengamot vote and responsibilities into the capable and willing hands of Albus Dumbledore as he couldn't be bothered with all of that crap as it would only cramp his style and he wanted to enjoy life. Having all of the perks but none of the responsibilities was his aim.

It was the same with Sirius. Although his brother Regulus was now seen as the heir and not him, his Uncle Alphard had died and left him his fortune and the interest on the money gave Sirius an income of G10,000 so he could live the life he wanted to live and not have to worry about ever marrying as now there was no need to produce an heir.

In Sirius' view the fact that James no longer had to obey his Father or ever marry and produce an heir was fantastic. Now they were both free to live life as they always wanted. Sirius had also been "persuaded" to donate a large portion of his yearly income to the Order of the Phoenix but that didn't matter as they had a bachelor pad, were training to become Aurors (a real witch getter) and still had a lot of clothes and personal possessions to tide them over. Life was good in Sirius' opinion as now it was just he and James together forever.

At least it was until Dumbledore decided that Lily Evans should be punished for messing up his plans.

For some unexplained reason (Dumbledore's usual modus operandi), Lily Evans had to get pregnant and produce a son because it would lead to the destruction of Voldemort. No explanation would ever be given only that it MUST BE DONE.

Again for some unexplained reason Dumbledore had determined that James was the best candidate for "the job" or, failing him, Sirius must step in and do the dirty deed. What Dumbledore would never tell anyone, Lily must produce a son, and then she, and probably the son, would have to die so that Voldemort would also die.

For his plan to work and entice Voldemort to fall for the trap he was setting, Lily had to marry a Pure-blood and one who was important enough to attract attention and "noble and brave" enough (meaning stupid and naïve) to be ordered around by Dumbledore. James Potter was perfect as he met all of Dumbledore's requirements, one of the most important was to donate a large portion (or most) of his large inheritance to the Order (or rather Dumbledore) and to leave he rest of his estate also to the Order and/or Hogwarts (also meaning Dumbledore).

Once James and Lily were married and Lily was pregnant, then Charlus Potter would probably die for some reason as…well there was a war on and people were dying right and left and it was only going to get worse because Dumbledore had a feeling - and the means and brass balls to see that it happened.

Everything was working oh so well until that %*#%*#& Charlus Potter pulled one (or rather a lot) over on Dumbledore. Then he disappeared and would stay gone so that no one could get at him or his new heir(s) including Voldemort and definitely not Dumbledore. Damn the man!

James and Sirius were still useful as they were Order members and Dumbledore owned them body and soul. They were easily talked out of most of their yearly income and they were ripe and ready to get into any mischief, just like they had at Hogwarts.

But when both Marauders had been tested and found lacking, yet again Dumbles had to change his plans. Now who was going to "do the dirty deed" was the new problem. Dumbles decided that it would be one of the Prewett twins, as that family was known to be fertile – and mischievous. They readily agreed to participate in the "prank" and once their specimens were tested and found to be viable, the only thing left was to do the dirty deed to Lily Evans.

That was when another setback occurred. Lily Evans had disappeared without a trace, along with her parents, sister and brother-in-law.

After actually slipping Veritaserum into Filius Flitwick's cup of tea, Dumbledore learned that due to all of the hateful, hurtful and uncalled for slander that had become Lily's lot, it was decided that she and her family would leave Britain's scared shores, probably forever, to start a new life.

"You can't blame the poor girl" an angry Flitwick shouted. He was furious what had been done to Lily as well as being given Veritaserum against his will.

"Charlus Potter arranged it all through his solicitors, including money to relocate and new Muggle documents such as passports and the like. Lily's brother-in-law didn't want to leave but some 'police' showed up at his workplace and told his superiors that his in-laws had witnessed a crime and were being placed under something called the Witness Protection Program and their daughters and son-in-law were also at risk so they had to leave too. From the little Lily told me, the police asked for and obtain a few recommendations praising 'the bearer of the letter' as an excellent employee, etc., so he could obtain employment – wherever it is they are going."

"Elwick, the Unspeakable and I also gave Lily the glowing recommendations she deserved. She couldn't tell us where they were going or even if all five of them were going to the same place. However, she told us that 'If it gets me away from Potter, Black, Pure-bloods snobs and most especially that' – and this is a direct quote – '#*$&#&#&( &&*( piece of $*#$#&&*&* Albass Dumbledipshit, it will be well worth it'."

The Veritaserum had worn off and Flitwick left the office in disgust. After he had turned his back and made his way over to the door, he smiled slightly as it was a pensive-worthy memory to see the expression on Dumbledore's face when he heard that Lily and all of her family escaped him.

He knew that Dumbledore would not give up whatever plans he had made concerning Lily Evans, but the Leader of the Light would be disappointed as Charlus had planned meticulously so there would be no mistakes. He had even paid a Muggleborn expert to run something called a computer program to insure that "all bases had been covered" – a Muggle expression which meant to deal with every possibility of a situation or activity. He hoped that he could use that someday.

Of course, the war effort might become even worse than it currently was. Dumbledore had "convinced" the Ministry to order the Aurors not to use "dark spells" as that would only serve to darken their own souls. Another reason was it would give the Death Eaters (poor, misguided souls that they were) the opportunity to see the error of their ways and repent. Aurors couldn't use them but Death Eaters could, did and now things were going very badly in the war.

Anybody with a brain and/or common sense (so rare in wizards) would consider that "horse hockey" – another Muggle expression meaning, among other things, false or deceitful statements, lies, exaggerations, nonsense, etc.

Okay, Filius had come across a Muggle book listing some of the more "interesting" expressions and he was delighted with it. Unlike wizards, Muggles were so creative especially in the written word.

Although James was noted as an ultimate prankster, it was little known that in his own school days Charlus was no slouch in playing pranks. Of course, it never amounted to the total pranks that James played, but when he did prank, Charlus was never caught and was extremely creative. However, once he left school he stopped because he had outgrown it whereas James never would.

When Filius reached his private quarters, he poured himself a bit of scotch whiskey (a present from Minnie) and settled down to read a good book. Then it hit him, Charlus had just successfully pulled off the "Greatest Prank" of all on the self-proclaimed greatest pranksters and the Great Manipulator.

And they would probably never know it!

THE END


End file.
